Phrasing I vow to stay away from

Sexual Fluid – Women

Women “creaming”, being “creamy”, having “cream”. This just makes me roll my eyes. The World English Dictionary, as referenced on dictionary.com defines cream as such:

1. the fatty part of milk, which rises to the top if the milk is allowed to stand

2. anything resembling cream in consistency

Obviously, women’s sexual fluid is not milk. But – women’s sexual fluid doesn’t resemble cream in consistency either.

However, if you don’t believe me, just look at all the lubes available. Lube is designed to mimic women’s natural secretions. Except for flavors, or other specialty formulations, all lube is clear and slippery. Cream is not clear and slippery.

Bottom line: women’s sexual fluid is clear and slippery – not creamy.

Sexual Fluid – Men

Men’s sexual fluid could perhaps be called “creamy.” Not that I think anyone has ever used that word to describe it…

But I do have some thoughts on it. First, I don’t believe you can ignore it completely. I mean, the goal of a good sex scene is for the guy to have an orgasm. And fluid comes with the territory. Even if it doesn’t, then that needs to be explained, so you’re still mentioning it. 

However, I’m not a fan of the stuff (just not my thing), so while I don’t ignore it, I don’t dwell on it either. I’ll mention where it lands – it does have to go somewhere – and that it needs to be cleaned up.

The phrase my characters generally use is “finish.” As in: “I wouldn’t know what to do with the, ah, finish.”

Side note: Sometimes I do have fun with “using” it as a plot point. For instance in Rook my gang of characters goes to dinner and one of the women overhears a conversation on the way back from the bathroom. She doesn’t known what the speakers meant by a “pearl necklace,” and when it’s explained to her, it highlights a bit of an issue in her relationship.

(My husband was playing ZZ Top on pretty much a loop the week I was writing that section of the book, and so it sparked an idea to use it in the story somehow.)

Pistons

Thrusting described as “pistoning.” Sigh.

Are the characters humans having great sex or engines?

Orgasms

“Cum” or “cumming”. Sorry, the word is spelled “come”. I realize that it’s becoming more standard to spell the verb “come” and the noun “cum.” But, it makes me roll my eyes and yanks me out of a story when I read it.

To me, it feels like spelling the word with a “U” makes it pornographic and not erotic. I know others disagree, but on the other hand, I’d like to think I won’t be judged negatively if I don’t use the “U.” Oh, and the past tense is the same. (e.g. They came hard in the sex scene I just wrote.)

Women Parts

I’m talking about the “T” word and the “C” word for women. Got no problem with the “C” word for men (on the blog I’ll refrain from spelling them out.) I hate these words. I find them vulgar and insulting. 

Side note: I’m an American. I realize the “C” word is used much more commonly in Britain and isn’t considered as vulgar as in America.

“Nether lips.”

Okay, so this one is tough, because there are a lot of words for men that aren’t cringeworthy, juvenile, or medical (e.g. rod, shaft, hardness). But, when it comes to women, we’re at a serious disadvantage, so I totally get why writers go here.

However, “nether lips” sounds awkward to me. “Folds” aren’t technically correct, but they’re my go to if I have to use something. Sometimes you can get away with “between my legs” or “apex of my thighs,” but those aren’t great either.

I think I used something like “slipped his finger through my wetness” once. It’s not bad, but still not great.

“Penis,” “testicles,” and “prostate.” I’ve got nothing against penises. I like them quite a bit, actually.

Problem is, the proper name for these body parts is what kids should learn before they get old enough to pick up the slang. It’s also what should be used when speaking with a doctor (although I’m pretty dang sure they’ve heard just about all the slang).

Proper names for erotic sex scenes? Not so much. 

Side note: Too bad “testicles” is so clinical because I don’t like any of the slang terms either. I’ll use “balls” when I have to, but that makes me cringe to write. Don’t know why.

Blowjob Techniques

Okay, this one needs a bit of explanation. Right off the bat, everyone knows, or can easily figure out, that accidently knocking your teeth on a penis (yes, I’ll use the proper term since this is on the blog) is bad. Ditto closing too tightly and biting. 

Notice I said “accidently.” Some penis owners like a firmer approach than others. And as they get into it, increased pressure may be desired. If the teeth are used very carefully and deliberately, the right person could like this. Warning – don’t try this at home without getting some kind of permission first!

On the other hand, let’s say the owner of the penis is one who’s too sensitive to like this. Or you’ve never done it yourself, so you’re not comfortable writing about it. Or, you think your readers will be freaked out/yanked out of the story because how could anyone ever like that? I still say that it’s ridiculous for the giver to “wrap their lips around their teeth.” 

First, doing this gives you a much narrower opening. I looked silly, but I stood in front of the mirror with a ruler: lips around teeth = 1 ¼ inch opening; lips pulled back, 1 ¾ inch opening between teeth. A whole half inch difference – not insignificant at all. As the owner of a tongue piercing I can tell you that as small as 1mm of difference in the ball on the post can be felt. Bigger opening = deeper too.

Second, it limits your jaw movement and pretty much prevents the ability to form suction.

TL;DR – teeth and blowjobs only go together when done deliberately. Get permission first! Otherwise, avoid accidently involving them and don’t worry about where your lips are in relation to your teeth.